


meltdown: suga (gotta conquer the monsters in your head)

by i_was_human



Series: after the end [3]
Category: Lobotomy Corporation (Video Game), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Lobotomy Corporation Fusion, Angst, Blood and Gore, Crying, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt Min Yoongi | Suga, Hurt No Comfort, Memories, Min Yoongi | Suga-centric, Past Character Death, Robots, he's really not okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-21 13:01:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21299864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_was_human/pseuds/i_was_human
Summary: He places the papers on the table and turns to the eldest, eyes glazed. "Where's Kook? I could use a lab assistant today."Scratch.
Relationships: Jeon Jungkook & Min Yoongi | Suga, Min Yoongi | Suga & Everyone
Series: after the end [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1534679
Kudos: 17





	meltdown: suga (gotta conquer the monsters in your head)

Suga deals in information.

Not that he likes that. He doesn't like information as a base item, as too much can be a curse. What he likes is what it's capable of doing.

His notes save lives every day.

And if people would belittle his work, then so be it. But he refuses to let another human die thanks to his own incompetence. 

Seagull, Angel, and V do not share this sentiment. 

Seagull sees his employees as tools. 

Angel sees his employees as walking carcasses.

V sees his employees as ducklings that must be protected.

And perhaps it's the broken part of Suga's mind that sees his employees as capable individuals, but he likes to imagine it isn't. He likes to imagine that the boils aren't real (they could be) and that his brain is fine (it isn't). 

He assumes the world is crazy, and he, with it.

* * *

They all assume he can't feel.

And this is a safe assumption, Suga supposes. Emotions are liabilities. Emotions equal more deaths.

<strike>He feels more than they will ever know-</strike>

But Angel, drugged out and borderline-delirious all of the time, couldn't understand.

Of all of them, he hates Angel the most. His defeated brand of apathy makes him sick.

Suga inhales, exhales, flips through his papers. No point in wasting time.

"Suga...?"

"What are you doing here?" he snaps, not even needing to turn. "Don't you have time to waste?"

"I'm not wasting time!" V protests, and Suga doesn't even need to turn to see the pout. "I'm helping our employees stay alive!"

"Like it matters," Suga scoffs, and V flinches. "You know it doesn't."

"Of course it does!" V exclaims. "If I can protect them-"

"You can't protect anyone!" Suga shouts, slamming his fist into the wall.

The papers flutter to the floor. 

His head hurts.

"If I can try..."

_"You can't... you can't keep doing this, hyung..."_

"If I can save even one life..."

_"Please... please stop..."_

"Then I have to do it!"

_"Y̴̟̬̣̝̙̱͝ó̴͓̤̖͓͈͗̈́̈͘͠ő̸̪̘̫͍̓̊͋̌͘n̷̨̙̻͍̓̈́̌g̵̘̐i̵̭̰̠̖͙͔̣̒́-hyung..."_

"You can't understand!"

_"Please... Y̴̟̬̣̝̙̱͝ó̴͓̤̖͓͈͗̈́̈͘͠ő̸̪̘̫͍̓̊͋̌͘n̷̨̙̻͍̓̈́̌g̵̘̐i̵̭̰̠̖͙͔̣̒́-hyung..."_

"You don't care about anything!"

_"Y̴̟̬̣̝̙̱͝ó̴͓̤̖͓͈͗̈́̈͘͠ő̸̪̘̫͍̓̊͋̌͘n̷̨̙̻͍̓̈́̌g̵̘̐i̵̭̰̠̖͙͔̣̒́!"_

"Suga!"

* * *

"It's not your fault."

Yoongi quirks a brow, pausing in his scribbling. "Hm?"

"You being here," Seokjin explains. "It's not."

"Namjoon should be in this lab," Yoongi snorts, raking a hand through his hair. "If he was here, the cogito wouldn't have been fucked up so badly."

"You know he can't do that," Seokjin murmurs, and Yoongi scoffs. 

"Why the fuck not?" the younger huffs. "It's not as if I'm doing such a good job here."

"It's not your capability," Seokjin sighs, reaching up to massage the bridge of his nose. "It's that-"

"He doesn't trust me in the backstreets," Yoongi states, scratching his cheek.

Chemical spills are dangerous, after all, and his skin has to stay clear for their next comeback.

"That's not it," Seokjin repeats, eyes dark. "You know that's not it."

"It's because I'm fucked in the head," Yoongi retorts, raking a hand through his hair. "It's because I'm the only one that can see the truth."

He places the papers on the table and turns to the eldest, eyes glazed. "Where's Kook? I could use a lab assistant today."

Scratch.

Seokjin stares at the blood trickling down the younger's hands as he continues to scratch his cheek, seemingly not even realizing what he's doing. "Yoongi-"

"Where is he?" Yoongi asks, tilting his head to the side. "Where'd he go?"

Scratch.

And that was enough, even if Yoongi didn't think it was. It was enough.

It was enough to have him strapped to an operating table, his own blood coating his hands as he screamed, trying to escape the binds and calling for the one person who could no longer save him. 

It was enough to have Namjoon physically held back by Seokjin and Hoseok, screaming for a man who he no longer knew and who no longer knew him. 

"Hyung!" Namjoon screams, trying in vain to twist out of the others' grips. "Yoongi-hyung!"

"Jungkook!" Yoongi shouts, blood streaming down his cheeks and from the empty spaces where his eyes once were. "Where is he? Jungkook!"

"I'm sorry," Namjoon gasps, tears streaming down his face. "Hyung, I'm so sorry..."

Seokjin simply holds him and cries as Yoongi bleeds out on their operating table, crimson spilling over pristine metal.

_"I... where am I?_

_Am I dead?_

_I can hear him crying... did I make him do that?_

_Oh... hey, Jungkook. When'd you get here?_

_Where're we going?_

_Hah... I guess it doesn't matter, does it?_

_I missed you, Kook."_

* * *

_YoongiSuga _are two separate entities, and yet not at the same time. 

His words, his beats, his rhythm. It's synthesized, the last scream of a broken soul that died a long, long time ago.

_"Jungkook!" _Yoongi screams, an omnipresent sound filled with guilt. Overwhelming, heartbreaking _guilt_.

And Suga claws at his mind, trying to fix it, to get it _out_, because there's _JungkookSeagull _down there in front of him, and he's not _supposed _to be looking down at the younger sefirot, he's always been taller-

_"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-"_

"Get it off, get it off, get it _off_-"

_"Jungkook, please, please, please, I'm sorry, I messed up, please don't-"_

"I can feel it crawling on my skin, make it _stop_-"

"Hyung!" _JungkookSeagull_ shouts, and Yoongi sobs as Suga screams. "Hyung, please! Don't do this!"

"Fuck you!" Suga shrieks, and Yoongi _fights it_.

_"That's my kid down there, that's my Jungkook, let me see him-"_

"He's not your anything!" Suga roars. "You're dead!"

_"Fuck you! You know who he is!"_

"Hyung," Jungkook chokes. "I'm sorry."

There's an instant where nothing moves.

But for just a moment, Suga stops.

And Yoongi doesn't.

"Jungkook," the elder breathes, and Jungkook makes a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob as he runs into Yoongi's arms, pulling him into a hug. "Kook..."

"I'm sorry," Jungkook chokes, and Yoongi simply sobs into his hair, the emotion carrying despite not being able to form tears. "I'm so sorry, hyung..."

"I'm sorry," Yoongi mumbles. "I should've been a better hyung."

"It wasn't your fault," Jungkook murmurs. "It wasn't."

"I should've done better," Yoongi whispers, the words left hanging. "I should've done better."

* * *

"You're lucky they aren't scrapping you."

Suga sighs, gaze landing on the irritated middle sefirot. "Because that's your department."

"It should be," the blond sefirot sighs. "I run this whole building, Suga. Don't forget it."

_"Like shit," _Yoongi drawls, and Suga can't stop his lips from tugging into a smile.

Turns out having a snarky-sarcastic voice in the back of his head isn't all bad.

"I've never seen you smile!" Hope grins, and Hoseok groans, smacking his counterpart on the back of the head. "It's nice!"

"You're impossible," Hoseok snaps, raking a hand through his hair. "Just do better, okay? I don't want to have to go over the individual details with you _again_."

_"Hobi..." _Yoongi murmurs, and Suga shakes his head to dispel the thought. Sentimentality is something Hoseok doesn't appreciate.

"I'll do better," Suga promises, and Hoseok nods, a threat lingering in his eyes.

"I know you will," the younger grumbles.

(You know what'll happen if you don't)

**Author's Note:**

> come scream at me on twit ^^  
@i_was_human_
> 
> also writing hoseok makes me scream tbh


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